One of my favorite chapters in Seth Godin’s book, The Big Moo: Stop Trying to Be Perfect and Start Being Remarkable, is “What, exactly, are you afraid of?” The context is what are you afraid of in the work place.

Personally, I’ve carried a lot of fear in my past jobs, being too attached to my job and my identity that came with it. Having attachments causes fear which leads to anger right? We’ve all seen Star Wars, listening to Yoda enough times to know that, “Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, and hate leads to suffering…”

In My Past Work Experiences, What was I Afraid of?

I’ve suffered, believe me. Nothing hurts me more than feeling that I’m not contributing or that I’m not valued by my employer. In one of my past work experiences, I had a lot of fear, but at the time, I wouldn’t have characterized it in that way. I was busy trying to survive, trying to find my next gig, because I felt vulnerable to a potential layoff (that was in my head, but not the reality).

Where did all that fear come from? It came from the lack of sales that my company was not closing. Having been through one layoff and avoiding two others, I know the smoke signals of layoffs or so I thought. It turns out that, no, the company wasn’t considering layoffs. I was anxious and worried for nothing, but my performance slipped, since I was distracted. My fears were quite different back then, here’s the list:

1. Not being challenge and continue to grow my skill set.
2. That I was not going to be relevant anymore to the management team.
3. That my boss would reduce my role in advising her on issues.
4. Not working in a company that could take itself to the next level by maturing its processes.
5. That I was going to be laid off.

Fear is Counterproductive, We can’t Control Everything

Looking back, these fears tell me that I needed jobs, where I’m valued by my employer and can grow in my position, that I wanted access to the decision makers. Lessons learned? Fear made me angry enough to hate my job. I felt trapped and helpless. I tried to survive as long as possible by laying low; however this didn’t work since I wasn’t on the radar, then I wasn’t relevant anymore. I even tried pushing the envelope and it still didn’t work out.

Timing is everything, but the next job opportunities weren’t ready for me, so I got stuck; eventually, my position was eliminated, after all. Sometimes we have to experience our fears, so we can learn from them, and then move on. We’re better people and workers, having gone through those experiences. We can’t control the outcomes, most of the time. We have to go with it, hoping we learn from having our fears come true.

My Fears are Different Now

Fortunately, I realized that I was able to take care of 80% of these fears by moving up the career ladder. The fear and hurt that led to anger towards my bosses and employers transformed. I realized that I can’t be a high performing knowledge worker if I’m angry. More importantly, my identity is no longer wrapped up in my job. That’s what I finally learned over the years.

I was happy to have found this chapter, because perhaps I can get to root of my fears in the work place. Of course, last job was quite different than previous one. I reported into a CEO. I was on the Management Team, so I know everything that’s going on. I still had fears lurking around somewhere. So after careful thought, here’s what I was afraid of as a VP:

1. That I won’t get things done when I want them done, because I don’t have enough staff.
2. That we may not get acquired, so my stock options are meaningless.
3. That I can’t physically do two jobs, manage a marketing department for my employer and do my part in the startup with my partner.
4. That this isn’t my last gig in working for others.

Big Picture: Fear is Good, Fear Keeps You on Your Toes

The trick is to not let fear get the best of you. If you know what you’re afraid, how can you work through it? Does it mean having a savings so you can let the chips fall, knowing you’ll be alright if you’re laid off? Yes. Does it mean that we can only do the best we can do? Yes. Can we control our destiny or the fate of the outcome? No. Should we be attached to our jobs? No. Funny, how it goes back to Zen in the workplace. Attachments lead to a lot of anxious feelings.

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